APPEASEMENT

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GO AHEAD; PATRONIZE ME. Recently I found a pair of bookshelves on sale. Reluctantly I purchased them. Resentfully I put the first set together myself. Regrettably the project derailed. Respectfully I called the store to say one of the boxes of bookshelf parts they sold me had clearly been opened before. Parts were damaged and some were missing.

Apologies were offered. Offers to ship me a new bag of nuts and bolts were made. With relative calmness and composure I explained to the young "associate" that when I was his age if we paid a premium for furniture from a reputable store we didn't have to put it together ourselves (unless it came from Denmark or Sweden). I also noted that delivery was made to his store and not to my home and was delayed a couple of weeks beyond the original ETA. Additionally I explained that I now live an hours drive and about $57 in gas from his store. Pretty sure I could hear his eyes roll.

More apologies. How about this I offered, "You have a set of these bookshelves on your showroom floor. How about I pick up one of those and you can wait another month or so for a new bag of parts? I'll drive over to your store and pick up the shelves and you find out if you can give me a couple of nice pillows that match our sofa and that I can scream into?" This exceeded his pay grade.

My Amazing-Missus used to work for an affiliate of this store. I think it was started by a guy named Williams that lived in Sonoma. They sell really expensive measuring cups and spatulas. The also have a business that may have started as a pottery shop in a barn. Anyway, I know from her experience that this group of stores have what's called an "escalation desk", a place that handles twisted-off old men and cranky women.

I'm sure he didn't mean to be patronizing. And, I'm sure that when, in his customer service class, they taught about handling the lunatic fringe they didn't intend for them to actually use the word "appeasement"; nonetheless, he said to me, "I will talk to someone to see if we can find a way to offer you appeasement. "Why you condescending little..." I thought to myself. BUT WAIT;

Later that day, I got a call from the escalation desk with an offer of a gift card for $215. Color me appeased! Apparently there is a price at which I welcome condescension. I guess, as with bookshelves and stuff, MAN also needs on going assembly and tweaking—always a work in progress.

I will make sure that we use the token of appeasement to buy something that comes fully assembled.

yes, I added a bit of modesty type to Leonardo’s Vitruvian Man.

If you happen to be on I-40 roughly 44 miles east of West Elm, drop by and see our new bookshelves.

HABIT FORMING

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I STARTED TO CALL THIS PIECE “7 Habits of Highly Effective Old Guys”, but I don’t have any evidence that my theories are valid. I haven’t studied a group of grandfathers, pawpaws, or even pops. Let’s call this researchless speculation.

The second problem with this exercise is that I’m treading on a sacred path. I’m daring to dabble with THE book: “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen R. Covey. I’m aware that this ranks up there with the King James Version of the Bible, “Atlas Shrugged” by Ayn Rand, and “Animal Farm” by George Orwell, as texts on the high shelf of many.

I’ve read all of these. I’ve even heard Stephen R. Covey teach the book live many years ago. I like the book. Although I’ve always been skeptical of books that tout formulas like: three keys to this or four steps to that, my satirical reimagining is not meant to diminish or devalue the work at all.

Enough of the qualifying. Any more and I’m violating this first Habit.

Here’s how this works: I’ll start with Mr. Covey’s Habit and an excerpt from his writings and then I’ll offer an alternative that might be useful for us men-of-a-certain-age.

STEPHEN’S HABIT 1: Be Proactive.
Take responsibility for your reaction to your experiences, take the initiative to respond positively, and improve the situation.

POPS’ HABIT 1: Be active.
Move around, go somewhere, do something. Remember, while we are human-beings, we can also be humans-doing.

STEPHEN’S HABIT 2: Begin with the end in mind.
Envision what you want in the future so you can work and plan towards it.

POPS’ HABIT 2: Begin with NOW.
Oh sure, I get what he’s saying, but do you get what I’m saying: the future is right now. “So don’t be anxious about tomorrow. God will take care of your tomorrow too. Live one day at a time.” Matthew 6:34 The Living Bible.

Or as the bumper sticker I had on my VW Bus said: “Today is the first day of the rest of your life.”

STEPHEN’S HABIT 3: First things first.
This is where he encourages you to organize everthing into a quadrant according to urgency and importance.

POPS’ HABIT 3: Fiber, hydration and exercise then all the rest.
Don’t waste time on quadrants and anaylsis. By this time in life you know what you would like to do. Make sure you feel your best for the journey.

STEPHEN’S HABIT 4: Think Win-Win
Value and respect people by understanding a "win" for all is ultimately a better long-term resolution.

POPS’ HABIT 4: You win some, you lose some, move on.
I don’t disagree with Stephen, but if politics, religion, masks and vaccines have taught us anything… “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Romans 12:18 NIV.

STEPHEN’S HABIT 5: Seek first to understand, then to be understood.
This creates an atmosphere of positive problem-solving.

POPS’ HABIT 5: Seek to understand.
At this stage of life, for me, I’m going to shoot for that. I think if I can just seek to understand, I’ve done what I can do. They don’t need or want me explaining anything to them.

“You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view … until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.” —Atticus Finch to Scout. “To Kill A Mockingbird”.

STEPHEN’S HABIT 6: Synergize.
Combine the strengths of people through positive teamwork, so as to achieve goals that no one could have done alone.

POPS’ HABIT 6: Be catalytic.
Here’s my idea of a catalyst: someone who brings others together around a common passion or pursuit, making good things happen.

STEPHEN’S HABIT 7: Sharpen the saw.
Balance and renew your resources, energy, and health to create a sustainable, long-term, effective lifestyle.

POPS’ HABIT 7: Be a saw sharpener.
Read to your grandkids, create opportunities for seeing, learning, exploring. Give generously to open doors for others to know, see and experience more.

Covey’s metaphor here is that a sharp saw will cut more, more efficiently and cleanly. Let me throw another tool metaphor into the box. Abraham Maslow said, “If the only tool you have is a hammer you tend to see every problem as a nail.” He’s right. For us men-of-a-certain-age, we should have several tools to offer and a bit of wisdom in how to use them.

That’s it. Hopefully I haven’t committed heresy for those who believe Covey’s words are sacrosanct. Do I believe my version of the 7 Habits are the end all, be all of life as grandfathers know it? Heck NO. Remember I’m the guy who doesn’t trust magic formulas. So, why? It’s raining outside, so I decided to write something.

TOO FAR?

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SURELY, IF THERE’S A SAFE PLACE TO EAT OUT, it would be Cracker Barrel. So, fully vaccinated we’ve ventured out a few times now for an “Old Timers” and “Mama’s French Toast” breakfast. We actually ate two meals in a row at the Cracker Barrel in Gallup, New Mexico. Why? Because we were camping overnight in their parking lot so we had a late supper and early breakfast there.

Since reopening, Cracker Barrel is a bit different. The little triangle golf tee games are gone, but the gift shop is in full swing.

The biggest surprise though was that they have added, to the menu: beer, wine and mimosas, etc. To the gift shop they’ve added ****THESE****! A little merdog(?) figurine to set on a shelf. (I guess as a placeholder for that creepy Christmastime elf).

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First, does Cracker Barrel really need to add alcholic beverages? Isn’t it primarily a place where people stop as a family to eat while road-tripping. Do we really need grandpa (assuming he’s driving the next shift) partaking of grits, gravy and a couple of tall Pabst Blue Ribbons?

Why?! Did the CB braintrust have too much time on their hands during COVID? Did they sit in a Zoom call and someone said, “You know people love rocking on our front porch and playing a game of giant checkers by the big fireplace, but do we need more?”

Did a major CB shareholder say, “I love me some livers and cornbread with apple butter, but my new trophy wife thinks we should add a summerfun section to the gift shop. Here’s a drawing of a merdog she sketched out. Let’s get these made and add them to the collection.”

The marketing guy thinks to himself, “People would have to be drunk to buy one of those creepy little puppies!”

“Hey! Wait a minute…”

One more thought: if CB is going to serve booze, how about a new special. I’m thinking they call it “The Uncle Otis”. It comes with Pork Belly, Pork Rinds, and a jar of moonshine.” That’s much more Cracker Barrelish than a “Summer Spritzer.”

NOTE: Doesn’t that merpuppy have a look in his eye that says, “One night while you’re deep in sleep I will come to life, get down from this shelf, drag myself and this hideous tail to your bedside and…” Well, this is getting dark in a hurry.

FAIR QUESTION

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Definition of nerd
: an unstylish, unattractive, or socially inept person especially : one slavishly devoted to intellectual or academic pursuits —Merriam-Webster.

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“Pops, are you a nerd?” queried Nora, Pops’ six-year old grandgirl.

I laughed and thought about it—wondering what her idea of “nerd” is. Surely there is some confirmation bias at work here. Then I realized that even having a thought like that confirmed it: if not a nerd, surely I have some tendencies. Although, as the kids say these days, I don’t identify as a nerd. Even here at 70, I still like to think I have a certain cool.

Nora herself is one cool kitten, one of those kinds of people whom you don’t want thinking you’re a nerd.

I’ve already admitted to being curious about her confirmation bias (The tendency to interpret new evidence as confirmation of one's existing beliefs or theories. —Oxford Languages), so I dug in:

“What do you mean by ‘nerd’ Nora?” I asked.

Her intellectual sister Harper stepped in, “Oh, she saw a picture of Daddy (my offspring) when he was young. He had big glasses and buck teeth and she thinks he was a nerd.”

So, she’s wondering if I carry a nerd gene? Maybe she’s concerned that she too might someday manifest nerdiness?

I’m no soothsayer, but I don’t see that on her horizon.

Making my case for non-nerdness, I explained to her that I did play in the band (but at least I was a drummer). I am an introvert, but I like people; on a case-by-case basis. I do love to read and given the choice of going to Chuck-E-Cheese or a bookstore, I’ll choose the bookstore every time. (Of course, given a choice I would choose most any place over Chuck’s.) (I realize that Chuck’s might be a source of employment for the young that might tend to score high on the nerd scale. So, good for you Chuck E.) I do wear glasses. I do love the Big Bang Theory, but I haven’t been in a comic book store in years and I have no clue or curiosity about quantum chromodynamics.

By this time her inquisitive interests moved on, but I was left wandering why I didn’t want my grandgirl to think I was a nerd. Probably has something to do with my own confirmation biases which are much more ingrained in me that her’s are in her.

And after all, doesn’t it take a bit of grandfatherly nerdiness to help a grandgirl tether her iPad to another connected device so she can secure enough coins to restore life to some imaginary app dweller?

Hey, maybe that’s what she was asking all along! She wasn’t so much worried about an embarrassing potential flaw in her old Pops— just wondering if I had the tech skills to solve her 21st century quandary.