YOUNG & OLD

A PRIVILEGE OF BEING ONE of the "snow-crowned age" I've looked forward to is the ability to speak without filter, or at least a filter with really big pores. It's not that you reach an age where you earn a higher protection from the First Amendment, it's not that I'm necessarily getting crankier and meaner with age, there just seems to be a cultural acceptance that when old people say stupid stuff, it can be dismissed because: well, he's old. The same privilege belongs to the very young (let's call them the "bright youth").

One of our Grand-Girls turned 8 recently. Her name is Nora, which might mean: one who speaks her thoughts out loud. The other day her Mimi was taking her to their neighborhood pool. Her Mimi tied a bandana over her hair.

Nora: "Are you wearing that?"
Mimi: "I thought I would."
Nora: "You know there will be other mommies and grandmothers there. Don't you want to look fabulous?!

Sunday's sermon came from the third chapter of James, the verses about the power of the tongue and the challenge of controlling it. James doesn't offer an age-waiver for the young and old to speak their minds more freely and forthrightly, but culture accepts it, so let's take advantage.

Why do the young and the old get a pass? For some reason in our early years and again in our waning years a lot of things are just understood; but for different reasons. If a toddler has ice cream dripping from its chin as she's eating her cone, we think: isn't that cute?! If a senior-ly gent does the same, we think: bless his heart. In neither case is there much surprise.

Still, there are stereotypes, and in those, the young and the old are somewhat genderless--not in the sense of the gender discussions du jour, but in the fact that gender doesn't seem as important. Consider this line from a hymn of the late 1800s:

Bright youth and snow-crowned age,
Strong men and maidens fair...

[Rejoice Ye Pure in Heart. Words by Edward H. Plumptre. 1821-1891.]

See how the "bright youth" and those of us of "snow-crowned age" get bunched together while the "strong men" and the "maidens fair" get to have gender, and stereotypical gender roles at that.

Not that I'm complaining. I'm fine with gender not being such a big deal at this point of life. I'll admit that during my first coming-of-age, gender was all that mattered; or at least it was always in the top three, and always just a few thoughts away. At 70-something, I'm still grateful that My Amazing-Missus and I are of different and traditional genders. I'm also richer for having deep friendships where gender is irrelevant, as is race, age, nationality, economic standing, and religion or the lack thereof.

I hope I haven't confused or offended. If I have: I'm old; that's my ticket to ride.

I'm here everyday offering unsolicited life advice; and Nora, my Grand-Girl is giving fashion advice. Don't you want to be fabulous!?

FAIR QUESTION

Definition of nerd
: an unstylish, unattractive, or socially inept person especially : one slavishly devoted to intellectual or academic pursuits —Merriam-Webster.

“Pops, are you a nerd?” queried Nora, Pops’ six-year old grandgirl.

I laughed and thought about it—wondering what her idea of “nerd” is. Surely there is some confirmation bias at work here. Then I realized that even having a thought like that confirmed it: if not a nerd, surely I have some tendencies. Although, as the kids say these days, I don’t identify as a nerd. Even here at 70, I still like to think I have a certain cool.

Nora herself is one cool kitten, one of those kinds of people whom you don’t want thinking you’re a nerd.

I’ve already admitted to being curious about her confirmation bias (The tendency to interpret new evidence as confirmation of one's existing beliefs or theories. —Oxford Languages), so I dug in:

“What do you mean by ‘nerd’ Nora?” I asked.

Her intellectual sister Harper stepped in, “Oh, she saw a picture of Daddy (my offspring) when he was young. He had big glasses and buck teeth and she thinks he was a nerd.”

So, she’s wondering if I carry a nerd gene? Maybe she’s concerned that she too might someday manifest nerdiness?

I’m no soothsayer, but I don’t see that on her horizon.

Making my case for non-nerdness, I explained to her that I did play in the band (but at least I was a drummer). I am an introvert, but I like people; on a case-by-case basis. I do love to read and given the choice of going to Chuck-E-Cheese or a bookstore, I’ll choose the bookstore every time. (Of course, given a choice I would choose most any place over Chuck’s.) (I realize that Chuck’s might be a source of employment for the young that might tend to score high on the nerd scale. So, good for you Chuck E.) I do wear glasses. I do love the Big Bang Theory, but I haven’t been in a comic book store in years and I have no clue or curiosity about quantum chromodynamics.

By this time her inquisitive interests moved on, but I was left wandering why I didn’t want my grandgirl to think I was a nerd. Probably has something to do with my own confirmation biases which are much more ingrained in me that her’s are in her.

And after all, doesn’t it take a bit of grandfatherly nerdiness to help a grandgirl tether her iPad to another connected device so she can secure enough coins to restore life to some imaginary app dweller?

Hey, maybe that’s what she was asking all along! She wasn’t so much worried about an embarrassing potential flaw in her old Pops— just wondering if I had the tech skills to solve her 21st century quandary.

Being POPS to Nora

Sometimes this blog/journal is literally "about Pops"--in other words, the role of a grandfather. Now, Nora Grace is here and I have a third opportunity to be Pops. So what does this look like?

What children need most are the essentials that grandparents provide in abundance: unconditional love, kindness, patience, humor, comfort, lessons in life. And, most importantly, cookies. --Rudy Giuliani

I really like the prayer for her daughter that Tina Fey wrote in her book, "Bossypants." I would like to include it here, but I don't have permission, and About POPS is a little on the conservative side of "PG" to include it. But you should check it out HERE. 

I will always pray for our grand-girls. And I will want the best for them; even if that spoils them a bit.

For you Nora, as for your big sisters, Karlee and Harper, I hope you will always know that your are loved, that you will know you are free to be curious and creative, so don't be afraid to color outside the lines; or better yet, draw your own. And while on the subject of the Arts, whether music, dance, drawing, painting, poetry, story-telling, or wood-carving, we will be there to encourage you always, because while school will take care of the math, science and sports; the Arts are pretty much up to you, but worth every minute.

Oh, and there will be boys. The three of you are blessed with your mother's beauty, so it's inevitable. So far, I've not seen a boy that deserves you, but we've got a lot of time for them to develop. Sometimes you have to find a good one and take him on as a project. Your mom and grandmother would probably say be cautious of drummers and preacher's kids. They do take extra patience and love, but they are worth it--some of the time. And, they mean well.

Karlee, 5-years old climbing at 30 feet.

Nora, I have no doubt you will have the bold, daring of your big sisters, so I will buy you your first helmet. Speaking of safety, I promise to always buckle you in to your car seat when traveling. Forgive me for the bad words I'll murmur under my breath when I can't get the dang thing buckled and unbuckled.

Be patient with your biggest sister. Those of us who are the first-born children tend to be wiser and could make your life better if you would only listen to us. So, at times, you'll think you have two mothers, but remember, Karlee just wants the best for you and she knows what that is.

Be patient with your next biggest sister. Harper is abdicating her seat as the baby of the family for you. She has served admirably and it's not an easy role to give up. But she is so much fun, and so full of energy and wide-eyed wonder, she will be a tireless friend for you.

You have two amazing parents. Give them a good 6 hours of sleep a night as soon as you can, and they will give you all of themselves.

Welcome to the Family, Nora!

Old people are distinguished by grandchildren; children take pride in their parents. --Proverbs 17:6 (The Message)