HABIT FORMING
/I STARTED TO CALL THIS PIECE “7 Habits of Highly Effective Old Guys”, but I don’t have any evidence that my theories are valid. I haven’t studied a group of grandfathers, pawpaws, or even pops. Let’s call this researchless speculation.
The second problem with this exercise is that I’m treading on a sacred path. I’m daring to dabble with THE book: “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen R. Covey. I’m aware that this ranks up there with the King James Version of the Bible, “Atlas Shrugged” by Ayn Rand, and “Animal Farm” by George Orwell, as texts on the high shelf of many.
I’ve read all of these. I’ve even heard Stephen R. Covey teach the book live many years ago. I like the book. Although I’ve always been skeptical of books that tout formulas like: three keys to this or four steps to that, my satirical reimagining is not meant to diminish or devalue the work at all.
Enough of the qualifying. Any more and I’m violating this first Habit.
Here’s how this works: I’ll start with Mr. Covey’s Habit and an excerpt from his writings and then I’ll offer an alternative that might be useful for us men-of-a-certain-age.
STEPHEN’S HABIT 1: Be Proactive.
Take responsibility for your reaction to your experiences, take the initiative to respond positively, and improve the situation.
POPS’ HABIT 1: Be active.
Move around, go somewhere, do something. Remember, while we are human-beings, we can also be humans-doing.
STEPHEN’S HABIT 2: Begin with the end in mind.
Envision what you want in the future so you can work and plan towards it.
POPS’ HABIT 2: Begin with NOW.
Oh sure, I get what he’s saying, but do you get what I’m saying: the future is right now. “So don’t be anxious about tomorrow. God will take care of your tomorrow too. Live one day at a time.” Matthew 6:34 The Living Bible.
Or as the bumper sticker I had on my VW Bus said: “Today is the first day of the rest of your life.”
STEPHEN’S HABIT 3: First things first.
This is where he encourages you to organize everthing into a quadrant according to urgency and importance.
POPS’ HABIT 3: Fiber, hydration and exercise then all the rest.
Don’t waste time on quadrants and anaylsis. By this time in life you know what you would like to do. Make sure you feel your best for the journey.
STEPHEN’S HABIT 4: Think Win-Win
Value and respect people by understanding a "win" for all is ultimately a better long-term resolution.
POPS’ HABIT 4: You win some, you lose some, move on.
I don’t disagree with Stephen, but if politics, religion, masks and vaccines have taught us anything… “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Romans 12:18 NIV.
STEPHEN’S HABIT 5: Seek first to understand, then to be understood.
This creates an atmosphere of positive problem-solving.
POPS’ HABIT 5: Seek to understand.
At this stage of life, for me, I’m going to shoot for that. I think if I can just seek to understand, I’ve done what I can do. They don’t need or want me explaining anything to them.
“You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view … until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.” —Atticus Finch to Scout. “To Kill A Mockingbird”.
STEPHEN’S HABIT 6: Synergize.
Combine the strengths of people through positive teamwork, so as to achieve goals that no one could have done alone.
POPS’ HABIT 6: Be catalytic.
Here’s my idea of a catalyst: someone who brings others together around a common passion or pursuit, making good things happen.
STEPHEN’S HABIT 7: Sharpen the saw.
Balance and renew your resources, energy, and health to create a sustainable, long-term, effective lifestyle.
POPS’ HABIT 7: Be a saw sharpener.
Read to your grandkids, create opportunities for seeing, learning, exploring. Give generously to open doors for others to know, see and experience more.
Covey’s metaphor here is that a sharp saw will cut more, more efficiently and cleanly. Let me throw another tool metaphor into the box. Abraham Maslow said, “If the only tool you have is a hammer you tend to see every problem as a nail.” He’s right. For us men-of-a-certain-age, we should have several tools to offer and a bit of wisdom in how to use them.
That’s it. Hopefully I haven’t committed heresy for those who believe Covey’s words are sacrosanct. Do I believe my version of the 7 Habits are the end all, be all of life as grandfathers know it? Heck NO. Remember I’m the guy who doesn’t trust magic formulas. So, why? It’s raining outside, so I decided to write something.