Being POPS to Nora

Sometimes this blog/journal is literally "about Pops"--in other words, the role of a grandfather. Now, Nora Grace is here and I have a third opportunity to be Pops. So what does this look like?

What children need most are the essentials that grandparents provide in abundance: unconditional love, kindness, patience, humor, comfort, lessons in life. And, most importantly, cookies. --Rudy Giuliani

I really like the prayer for her daughter that Tina Fey wrote in her book, "Bossypants." I would like to include it here, but I don't have permission, and About POPS is a little on the conservative side of "PG" to include it. But you should check it out HERE. 

I will always pray for our grand-girls. And I will want the best for them; even if that spoils them a bit.

For you Nora, as for your big sisters, Karlee and Harper, I hope you will always know that your are loved, that you will know you are free to be curious and creative, so don't be afraid to color outside the lines; or better yet, draw your own. And while on the subject of the Arts, whether music, dance, drawing, painting, poetry, story-telling, or wood-carving, we will be there to encourage you always, because while school will take care of the math, science and sports; the Arts are pretty much up to you, but worth every minute.

Oh, and there will be boys. The three of you are blessed with your mother's beauty, so it's inevitable. So far, I've not seen a boy that deserves you, but we've got a lot of time for them to develop. Sometimes you have to find a good one and take him on as a project. Your mom and grandmother would probably say be cautious of drummers and preacher's kids. They do take extra patience and love, but they are worth it--some of the time. And, they mean well.

Karlee, 5-years old climbing at 30 feet.

Nora, I have no doubt you will have the bold, daring of your big sisters, so I will buy you your first helmet. Speaking of safety, I promise to always buckle you in to your car seat when traveling. Forgive me for the bad words I'll murmur under my breath when I can't get the dang thing buckled and unbuckled.

Be patient with your biggest sister. Those of us who are the first-born children tend to be wiser and could make your life better if you would only listen to us. So, at times, you'll think you have two mothers, but remember, Karlee just wants the best for you and she knows what that is.

Be patient with your next biggest sister. Harper is abdicating her seat as the baby of the family for you. She has served admirably and it's not an easy role to give up. But she is so much fun, and so full of energy and wide-eyed wonder, she will be a tireless friend for you.

You have two amazing parents. Give them a good 6 hours of sleep a night as soon as you can, and they will give you all of themselves.

Welcome to the Family, Nora!

Old people are distinguished by grandchildren; children take pride in their parents. --Proverbs 17:6 (The Message)

Branching Out

I am not a dendrologist or an arborist. Heck, I'm not even a genealogist. But if this blog proves anything, it proves I'm not afraid to talk about stuff I know little about.

Several years and houses ago, we lived in a house that had an apricot tree in the backyard. It was pointed out to us that this was a special apricot tree--half the tree produced freestone apricots and the other half clingstone. I pretended I knew what the person was talking about with a surprised look and a "Really?!" 

If you're botany-challenged like me, the seed in the middle of apricots and their cousin the peach is called a stone. Sometimes the fruit clings to the stone, sometimes it doesn't--it's "free." Apparently our special tree was the result of a "graft" of two varieties.

Wouldn't family trees be more interesting if we could graft branches and twigs together? Like I said, I'm no expert, but it seems to me like this happens all the time, with wonderful results. When it does, people say things like, "He or she is like family to us." What a beautiful thing that our "trees" can branch outside the biological ties that bind.

I've always enjoyed watching basketball. I especially enjoy women's games because it seems that there's more finesse, strategy, and teamwork involved. Over the past few years, we've followed the women's team at Oklahoma Baptist University. It didn't happen randomly. Our two grand-girls live near OBU, their Daddy teaches there.

"Sisters" Harper, Allie, Karlee

At OBU they have a tradition (in fact they seem to have hundreds of traditions) where families "adopt" one of the players. So four years ago, our son and his family adopted an incoming freshman from Houston named Allie. Allie didn't really need more family. Turns out she has a wonderful family back in Houston. But somehow when you graft branches together it takes nothing away from either tree, but results in something that enriches everyone.

Not only has this provided an opportunity to watch and cheer for this spunky, speedy guard and her teammates, but it has been so fun to watch the grafted relationship of two families become something, well, special. 

Allie is a senior now, wrapping up a very successful season with this team that could contend for a national championship. But more importantly she is a joy and someone very special to my grand-girls and their parents and therefore to me too. Thank you Allie. Welcome to the "family."

#5 Allie Brandenburg (photo borrowed from the OBU Athletics website without permission)

BFFs Are Not Just For Junior High Girls

Lovers are normally face to face, absorbed in each other; Friends, side by side, absorbed in some common interest. --C.S. Lewis.

I have the necessary credentials to perform legal marriages, and over the years, I've helped tie a bunch of knots--some tighter than others apparently. This quote (above) by C.S. Lewis is from his book, The Four Loves. I have used the quote in almost every wedding I've ever done because I believe it contains an essential fact in any life-long relationship: the people in the relationship must be not only lovers but friends as well. Don't miss the value of that because it seems so simple.

So in today's post on how to make the most of Valentine's Day, I want to throw out some ideas about celebrating the friendship side of the relationship.

Maybe you've noticed that so far in these posts I haven't mentioned anything about the traditional gifts of the day: chocolates, flowers, jewelry, lingerie, matching bowling balls, etc. Here's a thought though. If you feel you really need to buy roses, buy one, a yellow one, because according to the history and meaning of roses on Pro Flowers website:

"In contrast to the romantic meanings attributed to other roses, the yellow rose is purely a symbol for friendship. This gives it a unique place in the pantheon of roses." 

Or try this: give her two roses: a red one and a yellow one, with a card where you write the C.S. Lewis quote along with something like: "Thank you for being my lover and best friend."

Here's another idea. Take the old concept of a mixtape to the next level. For $49 you can buy an iPod Shuffle. They come in a an array of colors. Check it out here. Take the time to pre-load it with a playlist of good music. Be sure to include at least a few "friend" songs along with some romantic tunes. By all means include "You've Got a Friend". It's a classic from 1971, "written by Carole King, and included in her album Tapestry and James Taylor's album Mud Slide Slim, which were recorded simultaneously in 1971 with shared musicians. Taylor's version was released as a single, and reached number 1 on the Billboard Hot 100. "You've Got a Friend" won Grammy Awards both for Taylor (Best Male Pop Vocal Performance) and King (Song of the Year)."

Here's the link to a great video of Taylor doing the song. 

A few others to consider:

• Bridge Over Troubled Water -- Simon & Garfunkel
• You're My Best Friend -- Queen
• I'll Be There For You -- The Rembrandts

Need a country song, try:

• My Best Friend -- Tim McGraw

Or maybe something of this millennium, try:

• Umbrella – Rihanna

Give her the loaded iPod and the yellow rose and celebrate the friendship.

---

In case you would like to see the context of the C.S. Lewis quote, here's an excerpt from The Four Loves:

Those who cannot conceive Friendship as a substantive love but only as a disguise or elaboration of Eros betray the fact that they have never had a Friend. The rest of us know that though we can have erotic love and friendship for the same person yet in some ways nothing is less like a Friendship than a love-affair. Lovers are always talking to one another about their love; Friends hardly ever about their Friendship. Lovers are normally face to face, absorbed in each other; Friends, side by side, absorbed in some common interest. Above all, Eros (while it lasts) is necessarily between two only. But two, far from being the necessary number for Friendship, is not even the best. And the reason for this is important.
... In each of my friends there is something that only some other friend can fully bring out. By myself I am not large enough to call the whole man into activity; I want other lights than my own to show all his facets... Hence true Friendship is the least jealous of loves. Two friends delight to be joined by a third, and three by a fourth, if only the newcomer is qualified to become a real friend. They can then say, as the blessed souls say in Dante, 'Here comes one who will augment our loves.' For in this love 'to divide is not to take away.”

Signed Sealed Delivered

If your wife/significant other has ever told you, "Well, you're no Einstein!" That could be a compliment. Because when it comes to love, Einstein was apparently an idiot.

Albert Einstein and his amazing-missus.

This is the second post in a series on how not to massacre St. Valentine's Day. In the first, I suggested considering poetry as a romantic gift. But while:

Roses are red and Violets are blue,
Perhaps writing verse is not for you.

How about prose?! You know, a good old-fashioned letter. It doesn't have to be a masterpiece, you're not trying to win a Pulitzer. Maybe just show her you remember a special time like your first date, or maybe you make a list of the things you enjoy doing together. [WARNING: Make sure you only include things she actually enjoys and doesn't just pretend to, e.g.: crappie fishing, tractor pulls, a Sunday afternoon of NASCAR with a bowl of chips and bean dip.]

If you like the letter writing idea, but feel uneasy about it, kind of like you're walking across a frozen pond, admit it right up front in your letter. Maybe start with something like: "As you know this is the first time I've tried to put two sentences together since high school, but..."

Or you can seek professional help--with your letter. Google it. But be careful. You think the wrath of your English teacher over plagiarism was bad, try it on your beloved.

Here's a book you might want to check out. It's written by Samara O'Shea, who is a professional letter writer. I read the book a few years back and was intrigued. I've actually talked to Samara. She is very understanding. In fact, she ended up writing a piece for a project I've been working on for a while.

For the Love of Letters: A 21st-Century Guide to the Art of Letter Writing by Samara O'Shea

Whatever you do--don't try to be an Einstein when it comes to composing loving correspondence. Einstein was married to Mileva Marić for eleven years. The marriage was fast deteriorating. Read his letter called, "Conditions" and wonder why. Shortly after receiving the letter, the lovely Mileva left him, surprise, surprise. He then married his first cousin.

In his letter he lovingly laid out the rules for their relationship. It reminds me of something Sheldon Cooper would give to Amy, if they ever married.

CONDITIONS (from the book: Einstein: His Life and Universe)

You will make sure:

• that my clothes and laundry are kept in good order;
• that I will receive my three meals regularly in my room;
• that my bedroom and study are kept neat, and especially that my desk is left for my use only.

You will renounce all personal relations with me insofar as they are not completely necessary for social reasons. Specifically, You will forego:

• my sitting at home with you;
• my going out or traveling with you.

You will obey the following points in your relations with me:

• you will not expect any intimacy from me, nor will you reproach me in any way;
• you will stop talking to me if I request it;
• you will leave my bedroom or study immediately without protest if I request it.
• You will undertake not to belittle me in front of our children, either through words or behavior.

--Love, Albert

See. You can do this letter thing. You may not be an Einstein, but, to quote the lovable Martha Stewart: "that's a good thing."