NATURE. NURTURE.

IT’S NOT: EITHER/OR; as far as I know.

This is one of those arguments that wears me out, so I’m not going to fall down that rabbit hole if I can help it. I will throw this out there though and alienate one half or the other. Isn’t it strange that those who tend to come down hard on the side of NATURE (sort of a predetermined superiority of some kind) also want to claim they’ve pulled themselves up by their proverbial bootstraps. I don’t know that you can have it both ways. At best it’s a blend.

I’ve dug to the bottom of the last box of my parents’ treasures. There was this—probably a Vacation Bible School project—a picture of a childhood-me glued to a Mason jar lid, glued to a chunk of two-by-four, adorned with letters from letter-shaped pasta spelling: A Chip Off The Old Block, which explains my giant ears and hopefully speaks to my character a little bit. I see it as a strong statement for NATURE.

Another item in the box—a sepia-toned photograph of me, all spit & polished up. This photo, and others from my early childhood, indicate that apparently my mom liked to get my hair cut just right. She probably new that NATURE would deal me my dad’s hairline and she thought, “Let’s live it up while we can.” But, what’s up with the bow tie and spiffy little houndstooth blazer? Was she trying to NURTURE me into becoming a game show host or maybe the owner of a children’s bookstore? I’ve often thought that the fact that she had enrolled me in accordian lessons as preschooler meant she wanted me to be the next Lawrence Welk. Or maybe she was trying to NURTURE me into being a little dandy and in the meantime cultivated the kind of kid that gets beaten up at recess. Or, maybe she just had a coupon for a free 8x10 at some photo studio.

I think sometimes we’re tricked by a kind of optical illusion, sometimes NURTURE looks like NATURE. You would think for instance that because my parents were kind, gracious, humble people of integrity I might be too—just naturely. Maybe though it’s just that they worked so hard to instill those kinds of values in us that some of it stuck and has a natural feel about it. There are chinks in my armor though. Sometimes my curiosity, incessant dreaming and occasional irreverence gets me in trouble—always has.

One of the verses in the Bible I relate to most closely is in the middle of a story of a boy with an evil spirit. The boy’s father tells Jesus, “I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!” In other words, I’ve been nurtured but help me deal with my nature.

Even though I am flawed and maybe too open-minded for my own good, I still want to nurture. It’s in my nature because my parents were nurturers. For many years I had the privilege of nurturing young people. NOTE: To all those I may have mis-nurtured; I am sorry. Now I’m at the age where maybe the best of what I’ve had to offer is less needed and more narrow, which on the bright side means it’s also more focused.

If you’ve been around me for more than a few minutes you know I love to quote the movie “A River Runs Through It.” These lines in particular:

“Each one of us here today will at one time in our lives look upon a loved one who is in need and ask the same question: We are willing to help, Lord, but what, if anything, is needed? For it is true we can seldom help those closest to us. Either we don't know what part of ourselves to give or, more often than not, the part we have to give is not wanted. And so it is those we live with and should know who elude us. But we can still love them - we can love completely without complete understanding.”

I believe we are built to love. The Greatest Commandment wouldn’t be: Love God and love yourself, if we weren’t given full capacity to do so. Love nurtures and it’s in our nature to do so.