BELIEVE

DO YOU HAVE SOMEONE WHO BELIEVES IN YOU? I hope you do.

I know it’s important to have people who like you, people who love you and people who care about you. Lately though, I’ve been thinking how crucial it is to have someone who believes in you.

I did some googling, hoping to find a good juicy quote from someone I respect to help me make the point about how vital it is to have someone who believes in you. Weirdly, but maybe not surprisingly, the conventional wisdom—based on quotations from notables on this subject—seems to be that the most important thing is to believe in yourself. Here:

“If you believe in yourself anything is possible.” —Miley Cyrus

“When you believe in yourself and you believe that you're a person of influence and a person of purpose, I believe you can rise up out of any situation.” —Joel Osteen

“You have to believe in yourself when no one else does - that makes you a winner right there.” —Venus Williams

“When people don't believe in you, you have to believe in yourself.” —Pierce Brosnan

Okay, Okay. I realize these select examples are not exactly T.S. Eliot or C.S. Lewis or even Dr. Suess. But I have a sinking feeling these would garner a few Amens.

I’m going out on a limb here and share an idea I’m mulling over these days. This probably won’t end up in a Google search of great quotes but here it is:

I’m not so sure you can believe in yourself if you don’t have at least one person of significance in your life who believes in you. —Pops

Not to brag; but I have many, well a few anyway. Without a doubt the person who has been in the stands cheering for me the longest is my Mom. She’s in her 90s now and I’m knock-knock-knocking on 70’s door. Her belief in me hasn’t always been rational or justified or realistic, but it has been unwavering.

As a kid, I aspired to be a great athelete. Mom, a former high school cheerleader at Okmulgee High, knew a thing or two about encouraging aspiring sports stars to greatness beyond their talent level and physical potential. She used to sing this song to us when we were kids:

You’ve got to be a football hero
To get along with the beautiful girls.
You’ve got to be a touchdown getter you bet,
If you want to have a baby to pet.
The fact that you are rich or handsome,
Won’t get you anything in curls.
You’ve got to be a football hero,
To get along with the beautiful girls.

Thankfully the song is wrong. You can also be a drummer in the band and be lucky enough to have an Amazing-Missus with curls.

No matter what we aspired to, achieved or didn’t, Mom was always a believer.

A friend asked me one time: what is your greatest fear? Without hesitation, I said, “Squandering opportunity and becoming irrelevant.”

I told my oldest son that the other day as he and I were talking about Life. He said, “I wouldn’t worry about that Dad. I’ve seen you reinvent yourself numerous times.”

That is so empowering and encouraging. Every time my sons or others ask me for my thoughts, I know they believe in me. And the older I get the more I’m able to see their maturity and wisdom, their quiet, solid leadership. I believe in them. I believe in their beautiful wives and our grandkids.

Since 1972, the person whose belief I trust and value most is My Amazing-Missus. Without a doubt, I believe one of the most beautiful things about our marriage is that we believe in one another.

Maybe one of the greatest gifts we can give someone is to believe in them. That’s one of the things I loved about working with teenagers for many many years. I wanted them to know that I believed in them. Of course, I wanted them to know that God believes in them. I know that too. But it sure means a lot when someone says it to you. Maybe that’s one of God’s best gifts—the people he places along our journey who believe in us.

If I can be honest, I’m in a real dilemma right now. As I’ve said, my Mom has always been there for us. Now the shoe is on the other foot. I believe in my Mom, that’s for sure. She is a fighter. She has fought back from so much. A few months ago, she had a fall—not her first. She has more articial joints than real ones. This time though she is fighting back alone. My Dad passed a little over a year ago. He was always there to encourage her. She knew he believed she could and should bounce back. With the pandemic we have not been able to visit her in the rehab unit. She has been on her own.

In her last evaluation from her care team, they reported that she will not be able to return to her assited living apartment which means she’ll be moving to the nursing home wing. Anyone who knows my mom knows that she clearly and emphatically stands on preferring anything to going to the nursing home. Last night she told me she asked the physical therapist if she would just put her and her purse on a bus to California.

I tried to explain to her that she can once again gain the strength and dexterity to return to her apartment and be safe, so we don’t worry about another fall. But, when I told her that we had packed up her stuff for storage…

I’m afraid that she has come to the point where she thinks no one believes in her anymore. She says things like, “We know that won’t happen, I’m not getting better again. I’ve done all that the therapists have asked me to do. I don’t know what else I can do.”

Now, believing in her will have to different. My mom is very social, she loves to visit with people and dig in to their personal lives. She has a way of giving people the idea that she believes in them, because she does—if they will let her.

Maybe I will say to her: Mom I know this isn’t what you wanted, but I believe you will find ways to make a difference in people’s lives just as you always have. I believe in you Mom.