Fooling Around

“In a culture where con men, hucksters and others desperately seeking power and influence have decided that they can profit by making truth seem relative, we’re in danger of every day becoming the first of April.” — Seth Godin

First of all: 

It’s April Fool’s Day. Seth Godin wrote a brillant little essay that includes the profound, apropos thought I opened this post with. I wanted to somehow archive this, so I’m embedding the link here.

Next:

“The Fool On The Hill”
The Beatles. Magical Mystery Tour.

Day after day, alone on the hill
The man with the foolish grin is keeping perfectly still
But nobody wants to know him
They can see that he’s just a fool
And he never gives an answer

But the fool on the hill
Sees the sun going down
And the eyes in his head
See the world spinning around

Well on the way, head in a cloud
The man of a thousand voices talking perfectly loud
But nobody ever hears him
Or the sound he appears to make
And he never seems to notice

But the fool on the hill
Sees the sun going down
And the eyes in his head
See the world spinning around

And nobody seems to like him
They can tell what he wants to do
And he never shows his feelings

But the fool on the hill
Sees the sun going down
And the eyes in his head
See the world spinning around

He never listens to them
He knows that they’re the fools
They don’t like him

The fool on the hill
Sees the sun going down
And the eyes in his head
See the world spinning around

---

Next:

Our first born son wrote a piece recently. It was written as “A letter from myself in my 30s to myself in my 20s”. Here it is:

1. You’re going to have children—three girls. I’d tell you to prepare now, but there’s really nothing you can do. Good luck.
2. Your band won’t get signed. I’m just sayin’. You can keep playing music, but it will be nothing more than that.
3. You’ve gained some weight. You’ll gain more. And not just in your belly, your whole face will get sort of fat.
4. Your hair will get thinner while your eye brows get thicker. There’s technically no hair loss; it just relocates.
5. Religion. It’s a messy business, if it comes to that. You’ll get sort of disillusioned at certain points, but you’ll turn out okay.
6. Even though—right now—there’s all this uncertainty, you’ll eventually have a job that could be your job until you retire, and you’ll have a house that could be your house until you die, but sometimes you’ll kind of miss the uncertainty.
7. Finish your MFA. Do it now.
8. Don’t listen to NPR too much. It’s good to be informed, but not in heavy doses. It’s sort of depressing.
9. There’s a legitimate chance that Donald Trump will become president; work on thwarting that.
10. And I guess the last thing would be… You married a good woman. Don’t mess it up. You lose every fight you win.

---

There’s nothing foolish about that exercise. Is it a fool’s quest though to think we might be smarter and wiser going forward by pondering the folly of our youth? Maybe.

Next:

I’m taking the challenge, thinking about a letter that my 60-something self would write to my 20-something self. 

1. Floss regularly and use sunscreen. (Did they even have sunscreen when I was 20?)
2. Except for the undeserved grief and stress it causes your parents, you will survive a journey to the land of waywards and it will have been, in some ways, worth it. On the other side you will have a deeper understanding of grace, and hopefully it will make you more empathic.
3. You will regret being so self-absorbed. Stop it.
4. Treasure those people and experiences that taught you to love the arts. Music, art, and writing will be food for your soul when you’re old.
5. The Methodists were right; the Baptists were wrong: you won’t go to hell for dancing (as far as I know).
6. You seemed to have been right to register to vote as a Democrat, although you were idealistic. The Republicans seem to adopt a strategy which hijacks, distorts and cheapens the idea of christianity for political gain.
7. You will be given an opportunity, a gift really, to work with teenagers, and you’ll get paid to do it, not much, but enough. It will be your calling.
8. There will be this thing called “Facebook”. It will allow you to sort of reconnect with people you haven’t seen or heard from since high school, and maybe you’ll wish you would have stayed in touch over the years.
9. You should have gone to Woodstock. They’re still talking about it today. Oh, and the VW Bus you’re driving, keep it. It will be worth a fortune.
10. Sure, you’re only 21 and she’s only 18, and you’re half in love and half in lust, but definitely marry her. 40-some years later, she will still be your best friend, mom of your sons, grandmother of your Grand-Girls, your Amazing-Missus. Life without her will be beyond imagination.

---

Lastly:

A little April Fool's day humor from Gary Larson.

WWLVS?

Do you know Lady Violet Crawley, the Dowager Countess of Grantham? If you don’t, then it’s safe to say you didn’t watch Downton Abbey. I’m sorry. You need to know this about her, at least: if having a sharp tongue and just the right words required a license, she would have an “open-carry permit”.

The Dowager Countess of Grantham, Lady Violet Crawley

Every single time she would deliver a wonderfully crafted zinger I would wish I could do that. Sometimes I would picture the person I would say the words to. In one episode she said, “Vulgarity is no substitute for wit.” I thought of Donald Trump. In another episode she said, “Does it ever get cold on the moral high ground?” I thought of Ted Cruz.

Then I thought, maybe it would be fun to list some of the best quotes from the Dowager Countess herself and match them up with the presidential candidate that it best fits. Turns out it was fun—you know in the spirit of laughing to keep from crying. Maybe you would like to give it a try. Here’s the list. Simply put the initials of the candidate that first comes to mind when you read that quote.

__________ “He looks as if he’s waiting for a beating from the headmaster.”

__________ “I wonder your halo doesn’t grow heavy, it must be like wearing a tiara round the clock.”

__________ “I am a woman. I can be as contrary as I choose.”

__________ “Principles are like prayers; noble, of course, but awkward at a party.”

__________ “At my age, one must ration one’s excitement.”

__________ “Does it ever get cold on the moral high ground?”

__________ “I don’t dislike him. I just don’t like him. Which is quite different.”

__________ Mrs. Crawley: “I take that as a compliment.”
Countess Violet: “I must have said it wrong.”

__________ Dr. Clarkson: “You want me to lie?”
Countess Violet: “Lie is so unmusical a word.”

__________ “There’s nothing simpler than avoiding people you don’t like. Avoiding one’s friends, that’s the real test.”

__________ “Don’t be defeatist, dear, it’s very middle class.”

__________ “You are a woman with a brain and reasonable ability. Stop whining and find something to do.”

__________ “Sir Richard, life is a game, where the player must appear ridiculous.”

__________ “We don’t always get our just desserts.”

__________ “All life is a series of problems which we must try and solve.”

__________ Isobel: “How you hate to be wrong.” Countess Violet: “I wouldn’t know, I’m not familiar with the sensation.”

__________ “It always happens when you give these little people power, it goes to their heads like strong drink.”

__________ “I cannot find the words to say how I feel.”

That last one--“I cannot find the words to say how I feel", That's the one that keeps running through my mind every time the topic of the race for the POTUS comes up.

The Super Tuesday Buffet

YOU KNOW THAT LESSON YOU LEARN AS A KID: “If you can’t say something nice about someone, don’t say anything at all”? Well, since we’ve been in the cesspool of politics lately I’ve tried to not say anything at all; at least not in writing where it could come back to haunt me.

But I will say this, I did vote in the Super Tuesday Primary. It didn’t feel super at all. As a matter of fact it was sort of like eating lunch at a convenience store. You know the ones that have the brightly lit buffet of fried, brown stuff like okra, mushrooms, chicken fingers, lizards, gizzards, beaks, hearts other parts, along with pizza, corndogs, burritos, chimichangas and fried pies.

The food is salty, greasy and cheap. It will take away your appetite, and there is something strangely compelling in the presentation and partaking of the glistening greasiness. Still, deep down, you’re haunted by the reality that in the long run it’s not healthy or wise, and a steady diet of it will be sickening if not fatal.

To LOL or to COL

As I think of our prospects for the future—Trump, Clinton, Cruz, Sanders, Rubio—my first thought is NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

But then I remember this:

"The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter." —Mark Twain

I’ve often struggled with knowing the appropriate places and times for humor. It’s sort of my go-to escape route for sad and depressing situations (like the 2016 presidential race). More than once in my life I’ve received admonishments like:

This is neither the time nor the place…
No one likes a smart aleck.
What are you, some kind of wisenheimer?

I’m not trying to say I’m funny, but sometimes I try. I want people to be happy.

I was however, recognized by my fourth grade teacher for my gift of humor, as well as my "gay outlook". She told my parents so in her letter at the end of the school year. (At the time though, I don’t remember her always appreciating my gifts.)

Speaking of politics, and sometimes having to laugh to keep from crying, Here’s a good one from comic Samantha Bee:

“Wednesday night, the Democrats met for a town hall where Bernie Sanders, dressed in what appears to be the Democratic Party’s big tent, played up his image of blustery old grandpa living off Social Security checks and stolen sugar packets.”

I refer to humor as a gift (one that I hope I have in some small measure), but I can’t find it in the Bible as a “gift”, like speaking in tongues or healing… But wait, I have been healed by humor many times; and to the humorless, bitter, mean people of the world you might as well be speaking in some unknown tongue when it comes to funny-speak.

So, where does God stand on humor? I won’t even presume. A wonderful old comic that I had the privilege of knowing was a guy named Grady Nutt. (How can you not be funny if you last name is “Nutt”. Right?) Grady observed that God must have a sense of humor. Why else would he have created us with our nose, which is prone to run, right above our mouth. And thankfully God placed it with the holes down, otherwise going for a walk in the rain could cause drowning.

“Theorists have been trying to explain humor as far back as Plato. The ancient Greek philosopher said humor got its power from the pleasure people get when they feel superior over others, laughing at their foibles and flaws. Freud saw it as a cathartic release from society’s repressions, thus explaining all our sex and fart jokes. And Hegel saw it as reconciling two normally incongruous spheres of meaning—i.e., showing a football player in a cheerleading outfit or putting a cat in human clothes.” —TheAtlantic.com

… or trying to actually picture Ted Cruz or The Donald in the Oval Office.

Please, David Letterman, come out of retirement. We need to laugh until it hurts so bad it hurts.

"USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population." --David Letterman

"I’m just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious." --David Letterman