MORE THAN A FAST CAR
/SOMETIMES I CLOSE MY EYES. Maybe if I don't see it, it's not real. Usually though, I want to be able to see. I think most folks do. "I can't see!" is one of the first frustrations we learn to express as kids.
Remember those early TV consoles built to look like furniture, the ones where the picture tube was six-ish inches off the floor? Invariably, there would be a younger sibling messing around right in your field of view just as Lassie was about to save Timmy's backside for the 997th time. "But Mom, I can't see! That's why I gently nudged him out of the way with my foot."
This post isn't about the physical ability to functionally see with our eyeballs, rods, cones, etc. It's about sensing, looking behind the curtain, having a crystal ball, having vision in the big--you might say--biblical way.
We need (or think we need) to see--the whole picture. I also like to be able to see far enough ahead to know that things will resolve well. Fifties and Sixties TV gave us that, but real life is more; real.
I worked with teenagers for most of my adult life. I consider it a privilge to have had that calling. It was not all pizza and volleyball though. The worst parts sprung from seeing the heartbreak; knowing the stories of those who had been dealt a crappy hand. In most all of those lives there was an inability to see: to see what could be, to see a way out or through, to see there is some goodness and beauty somewhere. The lack of vision didn't come from a lack of desire. Sometimes the weight of life makes us nearsighted or blinded.
Whether we can see around the corner, or beyond the moment, or not, we need to know that there's a way out, something or someone that will deliver us somewhere else, something to get us unstuck--call it rescue. We don't know where it might take us, but sometimes we just need to be elsewhere and a way to get there. Maybe we shouldn't think of this as an escape though. When we're trying to escape we might choose poorly, escaping by means of self-harm, self-loathing or desperation.
A while back, March 26, 2023, I wrote a post called GIRL POWER. It is a theme for me to try to do something that is affirming and encouraging to young women. Since then I've written a few times on the subject. Today, I'm writing another. This is for me the tough kind of writing, where each word needs to mean something. I can feel Hemingway's desire to be able to write "one true sentence".
As I oftern do, I want to use the words of another; a poet. Someone who sees this life from a deeper vision than I have. This time the young lady's name is Tracy Chapman. The words are lyrics to her song, "Fast Car". It is a song, that along with Janis Ian's "At Seventeen", is torturous. It is real and raw and paints a picture we need to spend time pondering. My hope is that when I have done that, I will be kinder, more attuned, more resolved, more focused on the things that really matter.
I've included the lyrics here so that Tracy can have the last word. But, PLEASE PLEASE; don't just read these. Go to YouTube and listen to her sing it. CLICK HERE.
You got a fast car
I want a ticket to anywhere
Maybe we make a deal
Maybe together we can get somewhere
Any place is better
Starting from zero, got nothing to lose
Maybe we'll make something
Me, myself, I got nothing to prove
You got a fast car
I got a plan to get us outta here
I been working at the convenience store
Managed to save just a little bit of money
Won't have to drive too far
Just 'cross the border and into the city
You and I can both get jobs
Finally see what it means to be living
See, my old man's got a problem
He lives with a bottle, that's the way it is
He says his body's too old for working
His body's too young to look like his
When mama went off and left him
She wanted more from life than he could give
I said, "Somebody's gotta take care of him"
So I quit school and that's what I did
You got a fast car
Is it fast enough so we can fly away?
We gotta make a decision
Leave tonight or live and die this way
So I remember when we were driving, driving in your car
Speed so fast, I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder
And I-I, had a feeling that I belonged
I-I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone
You got a fast car
We go cruising, entertain ourselves
You still ain't got a job
And I work in a market as a checkout girl
I know things will get better
You'll find work and I'll get promoted
We'll move out of the shelter
Buy a bigger house and live in the suburbs
So I remember when we were driving, driving in your car
Speed so fast, I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder
And I-I, had a feeling that I belonged
I-I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone
You got a fast car
I got a job that pays all our bills
You stay out drinkin' late at the bar
See more of your friends than you do of your kids
I'd always hoped for better
Thought maybe together, you and me'd find it
I got no plans, I ain't going nowhere
So take your fast car and keep on driving
So I remember when we were driving, driving in your car
Speed so fast, I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder
And I-I, had a feeling that I belonged
I-I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone
You got a fast car
Is it fast enough so you can fly away?
You gotta make a decision
Leave tonight or live and die this way
For a fleeting moment she felt a couple of those life essentials, the ones everyone deserves: that I belong, that I could be someone.
"Search my heart O God" for prejudice, for misogyny, for racism, for deceit, for arrogance. Help me to see in myself the stuff that I do not want to admit is there. Help me to see the hurting, the injustice, the abuser and the abused. And grant me the courage and honesty to do something and say something.