GRAND GIFTS

MAYBE YOU’RE HEARD the prescription for gift-giving:

Something they want
Something they need
Something to wear
Something to read

One of our Grand-Girls found a present, wrapped, with a tag bearing her name under our pitiful little tree. (So pitiful in fact that one of our Grand-Guys asked why we didn't have a Christmas tree. "We do." I said, "That's it right there." He looked at it, then looked at me and smiled as if I might be joking.) Anyway, the aforementioned Grand-Girl asked me if I wrapped it. No. Mimi does all the wrapping. I do the shopping.

"Do you know what it is?" she asked. I told her I did know because I'm the one who chose it. "Will I like it?"

I started to explain to her that is not one of the criteria of gift-giving. I googled and googled and couldn't fine any version of the list that said: "Something they like." That's too fleeting and subjective. I'm their Pops, not a mindreader.

I simply said, "I hope so. If you don't, there's probably a little girl somewhere who would love to have it."

She laughed and said, "That's kinda mean." What do you expect from a 70-something old man trying to guess what an 9-year old would want? [BTW: I went with something from Barbie world. I figure I can't go too wrong, right?] I hope each of the Grands will say, "This is just what I wanted!"

Next up: SOMETHING THEY NEED. We'll be taking the whole crew to my favorite Thai food place. Obviously everyone NEEDS food. They may not see it as much of a gift, but it is. The food there is wonderful, every single time. The people who own and run the business take such pride in the whole experience. We each NEED a memorable meal around a warm table.

SOMETHING TO WEAR. Check.

Each kid gets pajamas that match (whether they want to or not). And this year, there's an extra item in the category. Something everyone should have. Maybe I'll share a picture in a future post.

SOMETHING TO READ.

Traditionally this one has been my favorite. But there are no books under the tree this year. Not because I don't want them to read and read and read, but because I can't remember what books I've given them in the past. I'm pretty sure each of our kid's houses have a copy of the books I most want our kids to read and love. That list includes (in no certain order):

GOOD NIGHT MOON
THE CAT IN THE HAT
GOOD NIGHT, GORILLA
MAKE WAY FOR DUCKLINGS
CORDUROY
THE MONSTER AT THE END OF THIS BOOK
MADELINE
STUART LITTLE
THE VELVETEEN RABBIT
WHERE THE SIDEWALK ENDS
THE GIVING TREE
CHARLOTTE'S WEB
THE LION, THE WITCH, AND THE WARDROBE
HARRY POTTER AND THE SORCERER'S STONE
A WRINKLE IN TIME
THE OUTSIDERS
TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD

Maybe it's time for them to choose a book themselves. One that intrigues them, something other than what's on Pops' list of classics. Sounds like we need to make a trip to the bookstore--something that should be on our list every year.

REMEMBERING AUNT BETTY

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.”

― Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities

Has a better opening paragraph ever been written? I've chosen to start this essay with it because it is in the spirit of what I want to talk about, but I don't have the ability or insight to craft a sentence like it.

A few days ago I stepped into a time capsule and whooshed back sixty years or so. In a little ghost of a town named Dubach, Louisana, we gathered with cousins to remember our Aunt Betty, Dan and Philip's mother and my dad's last living sibling. The night before her memorial service we gathered and told stories of childhood.

My cousin Dale said to me, "Do you remember that time we were playing Tag in the dark in Aunt Betty's backyard and you ran into the clothesline? It caught you right in the neck. Your feet went flying and you slammed on your back. We all stood around you, looking down to see if you were still alive."

I didn't remember it. Maybe I blocked that memory, but others seem as fresh as they did when we were just kids. Dubach was one of those places and the halcyon days of the late 50s and early 60s one of those times when we could run unfettered from morning to night with little to worry about; save a clothesline.

Remembering playing Tag? Did your version provide a homebase where you could be "safe" from the the pursuit of the person who was "it"?

Dubach, and more specifically, Aunt Betty's home, was a safe base. Aunt Betty took grace and eternal hope seriously. To a casual observer she might appear to have a side to her that seemed stern, strict, springing from a devotion to her faith. In reality she had higher aspirations for us all than we even had for ourselves. Make any sense? How about an example:

She was a fine musician. If you had the slightest interest in music (as I did), you would feel sort of a weird accountability to her to get it right. Dig in. Learn more. Practice, practice, practice because the art demanded it. For her, music was created by and was a gift from God. If you claimed to be a musician, you had a responsibility to honor that gift. I can't thank her enough for being my first and foremost teacher of music appreciation.

It was not just music, but in life that she expected the best. We were implored by her example to unrelenting devotion to family and faith.

Those priorities were the super glue that bound my father and his little sister. In the birth order of the six children of Chroley and Bernice Fuller of Dubach, Louisiana, Dad was fourth, Aunt Betty, fifth. Apparently, from stories we've heard many times, Dad saw himself as guardian and protector of his little sister. Later she became his spiritual and doctrinal guide.

Dad, being a Baptist pastor during a time before Baptist fell into the abyss of authoritarianism, sort of complied with the common beliefs and interpretations. One day years ago we were gathered. The subject of the role of women in faith came up. Mention was made of the current fad of religious leaders putting women in their subjective place. My Dad, who grew up with a mother who was a cornerstone in their local church and a sister who was the glue of that church, said, "I tend to agree with that view." His sister, my Aunt Betty turned from the kitchen counter where she was preparing a dish and said, "Brother! You know better than that." Turns out he did know better. He knew empirically and experientially that to view women as subserviant to anyone in the work of faith is untrue, unjust and ungodly.

A few years ago, My Amazing Missus and I were having dinner with my parents. Dad told us he and Mom wanted to talk with us about their last wishes. He said, "We've decided to be cremated upon our deaths." I was so surprised. This had never been mentioned in our many conversations on the matter. Where had this come from?! He continued, "We were visiting with your Aunt Betty on the phone the other night. She has been praying and reviewing scripture on the matter and has come to peace with a decision in favor of cremation for herself."

That settled that.

That's one of the things about homebase, that safe place from the "its" of life. There are trusted voices. People with high expectations for us but also a deep, abiding love that lets us try, and whether we succeed or not, they are there.

That's why even at 70-something, with the passing of my Aunt Betty, the ground feels a little less sure. The certain voices of my early life are passing. But we have their wisdom and spirits with us still.

After the service, a few of us cousins and spouses gathered at the cemetary in Dubach. There are so many headstones there with the "FULLER" name, that if that's your surname, you wonder how there can be any left. But, there we were, the kids who once ran around that little town, who ate at Aunt Betty and Uncle Steve's table. For a few moments, as the sun was setting and the mosquitos were beginning their attack, we were all at home base, safe, about to return to grown up life trying to outrun "it".

MAKING MUSIC

"The more I read the papers, the less I comprehend
The world and all its capers and how it soon will end."

I FEEL SORT OF GUILTY writing something about fun and funny given the horror and heartache boiling in our world. It's important to pay attention. It's appropriate to feel disgust and fear. It's vital to remember that goodness, truth and beauty exist.

So, that's my justification, now here's what's on the lighter side of my mind.

I love music. Maybe you've played that silly game, "Would you rather...?"

Here are a few examples, I borrowed from a quick search:

1. Would you rather have the ability to see 10 minutes into the future or 150 years into the future?

2. Would you rather have telekinesis (the ability to move things with your mind) or telepathy (the ability to read minds)?

3. Would you rather be forced to sing along or dance to every single song you hear?

4. Would you rather find true love today or win the lottery next year?

Sometimes, the game can turn dark with a question like: Would you rather lose your hearing or your eyesight?

At seventy-something, I'm fortunate to still have both, although some may say my hearing is selective or that the TV volume is set higher than it used to be. Two of the men I admire most, lived with the plague of a degenerative eye disease. They handled it with a grace that I should learn from. I love being able to see, read, drive and take walks by myself. But, not being able to hear music? I can't imagine.

never too young for a music appreciation class

I have a nice Hi-Fi system, and a collection of vinyl albums, some of which I purchased in high school and college. I have an Elton John album that I distinctly remember being the first album that My Amazing Missus and I purchased together as newlyweds, 50+ years ago. It's memorable because it would have been a big expense for our budget. We weren't loaded with disposable income, but My Amazing Dairy Farmer's Daughter's father kept us stocked with beef. So, all we had to buy was an occasional box of Hamburger Helper.

Over the years I've had amazing opportunities to hear really good musicians and to play drums in a variety of settings: studios, orchestra pits, parade routes, high school dances; here and abroad. Today, I play alone, on my drum kit in our master bedroom. Sometimes I wear headphones and play along with Diana Krall or The Beatles. I still try to play the 5/4 beat of Dave Brubeck's "Take Five", usually unsuccessfully.

I can spend lots of time watching a certain genre of YouTube videos. There are musicians, aspiring and accomplished that make YouTube their main performance Venue. A few of my favorites: Mona Lisa Twins, twin sisters from Austria, named (you guessed it) Mona and Lisa. Their covers of Beatles music and their ability to play so many instruments is inspiring. Another is Mary Spender, a British singer-songwriter. I love her guitar style. One of my favorite videos of hers is a duet with a kid named Josh Turner. They are playing "Sultans of Swing" by Dire Straits.

Josh Turner is another YouTuber that is so prolific. He performs, usually in his apartment, with different musicians and friends. In thinking about which of his videos to recommend to you, I thought, you know what? It's cool outside and Hobby Lobby thinks it's time to start the Christmas season, so how about this one? CLICK HERE to watch Josh Turner and friends.

Often, I'll go to her sewing room and say, "Come quick, I have another amazing video for you to watch!" As it concludes, I usually say, "I wish I had a few friends I could jam with like Josh and his friends."

Then one day I discovered "Bryan and Friends" and reality hit hard. I realized that it's probably best if I don't gather a few friends for fear we might actually turn on a camera and post publicly. But, way to go Bryan and your friends. Rock on! CLICK HERE to watch Bryan and Friends.

For me, I'm holding out to just simply sit in the corner of a studio and watch miracles like this happen. CLICK HERE to watch Tony [RIP] and Diana.

In time the Rockies may crumble
Gibraltar may tumble
They're only made of clay
But, our love is here to stay

Tony bennet and diana krall

"Love Is Here to Stay" is a popular song and jazz standard composed by George Gershwin with lyrics by Ira Gershwin for the movie The Goldwyn Follies (1938).

LUSTING FOR RELEVANCE

"I've still got a lot of tread on the tires.": a line I heard while sort of half listening to an interview with a 31 year old NFL running back in response to a question about how much longer he would play.

There's an ad running now selling something; it features Dan Marino (former Miami Dolphins QB), Emmitt Smith (former Dallas Cowboys RB) and a few others of that ilk. They are watching a game and imagining the possiblity of playing again.

I don't know that I could ever say about anything in my life that "I've got game." I played some decent drums back in the day but I'm not ready to get-the-band-back-together and play the casino circuit. While the temptation or the call to return to some youthful pursuit stirs not in my soul, I still feel like there's a little tread left on the tires.

Vanna has signed up for at least two more years of letter-flipping even though Pat will be making his final spin soon. Maybe the last puzzle will be from the category "Rhetorical Questions", and the puzzle: W_Y, V_NN_, W_Y?

She might as well keep spinning though. At 66, she's a youngster compared to her viewing audience and many of our politicians.

Speaking of, did you see that Mitt Romney is checking it in (for now)? I hate to see this. Mitt is one of the more sane and ethical R's on The Hill (in my highly partisan mind).

One of my favorite writers/observers, David Brooks, wrote:

"I admire him for deciding to step down at the senatorially young age of 76. As we’ve all come to see, the hunger for continued relevance is the corroding lust that devours the very old. Romney stands for the valuable idea that there are things more important in life than politics and winning elections."

WAIT! What did David say there?! "...the hunger for continued relevance is the corroding lust that devours the very old."

To quote the aging but still highly relevant Steve Martin, "Well, exccccuuussseee me!"

What would he have us do? Strive for irrelevance? Maybe what he's saying is that we, of a higher age, should just accept and maybe even embrace our blossoming irrelevance.

I think this is accurate: if you symbolically drive me across wet sand maybe you'll see subtle marking left behind by some remnant of remaining tread. When my oldest GrandGirl thanks me for being in the stands on a Friday night for the sole purpose of seeing her do her Pom Squad thing, I feel relevant. When I'm called on to be a part of an interview by a GrandGirl doing a report on 9-11, when I'm invited to "play" Barbie or Chutes and Ladders, when my youngest Grand hands me the other X-Box controller, inviting me to play some Star Wars game, and all I can do is make my guy jump up and down, somehow I still feel relevant just sitting between him and his big brother.

jeremiah, our youngest grand. photo by his uncle corey.

I get David Brooks’ point. I thought about it as I started composing this blog post. Why am I still doing this blog thing? The hunger for relevance? When I kicked it off ten years ago that was part of it. But for now, it's just fun and it gives me something to do. I like putting words together, shaping thoughts, especially since there is no teacher with a red pencil marking my poor punctuation choices. Circling the participles I may have left dangling, I know they meant well. When I write I pay more attention to life and I think a little deeper. And, who knows, maybe something I write might inspire or humor or disturb; granting a momentary relevance.

That's enough for now.