A Baron, Fried Chicken & Trailblazing

There were two of us "souls" on this twin-engine Beechcraft Baron, the pilot and me. The pilot was my dear friend Steve--an excellent pilot by the way; thank God. We had just taken off from Boise, Idaho, headed for Portland, Oregon. The air-traffic controller comes on the radio and says something like, "I'll be losing radio contact with you for awhile, give me your vital information." So Steve says, "There are two souls on board." and gives our names, the phone numbers of our next-of-kin, etc.

We're over the Rockies, presumably, the clouds are so thick you can't see tomorrow. Then Steve says, "That's not good!"

Two people you never want to hear that from: your pilot and your doctor.

The crisis involved the plane's wings and props beginning to ice up. Long story; happy ending. After all, I'm sitting here typing this on a lovely Saturday morning with a good cup of coffee.

There are those moments for us "men of a certain age" when we wonder what kind of mark we're leaving. Not to sound morbid (and for the record, I'm feeling great), but one of these days, when your funeral is over and family and friends are back at the church eating fried chicken, potato salad and German chocolate cake. What will they talk about?

He was funny. He talked a good game. He was rather arrogant and self-obsessed; after all who writes a blog 'all ABOUT me' other than the Pioneer Woman and young, hipster women who post pictures of their cats and their food?

Worse yet, what if the only thing they talk about is how good the chicken is?

So, what would I want people to say? I've given that some thought. It's a work in progress, but so far I have this: He was funny. He loved his family and they knew it. He spoiled his grand-girls so rotten they now all have blogs with huge followings, where they post a lot of selfies. And, he was a trail-blazer.

My inspiration for this new vision is this line from Ralph Waldo Emerson:

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.

Let me say right now, I love the sentiment in this, but I have a few issues with Ralph's rhetoric. More on that in the next post.

To be continued...

What's In A Name?

That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet. --William Shakespeare

I get the Bard's point, but you have to admit, a name and the thing or person it represents come to define each other. For example, our two grand-girls are Karlee and Harper. Before they were born, when the names were chosen, I liked the names, but they didn't yet have a face or a personality--they were, at that point, pretty much just words. Don't get me wrong, they were carefully and wonderfully chosen. After all, they were to be the names of two very special girls. 

Karlee's name is sort of a mash-up of her parent's names--very cool. Harper happens to be the name of the woman I believe to be  one of the greatest writers ever: Harper Lee, To Kill A Mockingbird. I doubt that's why her parents chose the name but it has that significance for me anyway.

As their five and two years, respectively, have passed, these girls have defined those names and vice versa. I can't imagine them being called by any other name.

And NOW--drum roll please--there will be a third grand-girl, to be named later. Being POPS is a wonderful thing.

It is not my job to name the third, but that doesn't keep me from pondering possibilities and wondering what the perfect word is that this little girl will bring life to.

The name game is very complicated these days. Back in the day, there were fewer choices or so it seemed. The only resource for ideas, other than helpful family and friends, was a paperback book of names and their meanings you could pick up at the grocery store between the TV Guide and the National Inquirer.

Today though, there's the WWW. Now you can Google prospective names, click on images and see if any stripers, serial killers, politicians or their mistresses pop up. There you will also find all kinds of research to guide the process:

• Names most likely to get you beaten up at recess
• Names of kids teachers hate (or love)
• What the celebrities are naming their kids
• Names that may get you stabbed in your sleep when they're teenagers
• Most popular names

The prevailing opinion seems to be to avoid "popular" names, because you want your kid to be unique, plus (and I'm not making this up): it will be easier for them to have their own name as their handle for Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, Instagram, etc, etc. In fact it is recommended that as soon as you've picked your soon-to-be-born's moniker, you should go ahead and set up all those accounts. That way on Baby Wallabee's very own Facebook page you can post: Wallabee's first steps, his first word, his first haircut...

So, I've been giving it some thought and research. One thought I had, because I'm a big fan of Downton Abbey is that it might be good to have an aristocratic sounding name like Lady Mary, Lady Edith, Lady Gaga or the Dowager Countess of Grantham.

Thanks to the baby's daddy for the graphic.

One thing to consider, the names of our two grand-girls share a common characteristic (as do the names of their parents), the third letter of their names is r. "Paris" came to mind but that Hilton girl tarnished that one. I thought of the cute little pop singer from New Zealand, "Lorde" but that would be a lot of pressure. Although her 5 year-old sister does a moving rendition of Lorde's hit: Royals.

If her parents chose to follow the lead of celebrities, as often happens in baby-naming, according to my extensive research, the name "North" would work. That of course is the name of the poor baby born to Kim Kardashian and Kanye West. Yes, you're right, that makes the baby's name North West.

Well, as you can see, I am not one that should be naming anything. So I'll just stick to being Pops. I have two witnesses who will tell you I'm pretty good at that (as long as I have my wallet open). BTW: the name Pops has no meaning whatsoever for me without those two and soon to be three grand-girls.

Lurleen Lumpkin

P.S.: Turns out maybe the baby's daddy maybe shouldn't be naming babies either. He suggested the name "Lurlene." His justification: It rhymes with the name of the baby's paternal grandmother (Arlene) and it is a tip of the hat to Lurleen Lumpkin a character on The Simpson's. Simpsons creator Matt Groening is related to the baby's momma, Kara. And, it fits the third R qualifier.

Know The Difference?

I remember as a wee lad hearing my maternal grandmother speak of someone saying, "He doesn't know sshhhtt from Shinola." She had a way of saying THAT word (not Shinola; the other one) where there was no mistaking what she was saying and yet it didn't seem to be the real, dirty word.

I remember feeling well on my way to mature manhood because, at probably no more than eight years-old, I knew the difference between the two.

I remember my "Nan" as she was known, threatening to "backhand me across the room" on several occasions, but she never did; as in, "David Lee if you don't stop drumming on that table I'm going to backhand you across this room." There were numerous switchings however with limbs from the elm tree in her front yard, but still we knew we were loved unconditionally.

I remember "sassing" her, once, to very near her breaking point.  We had walked in her house from playing outside. "David Lee is that dog sshhtt on your shoes?!" I looked and replied, "We'll it's not Shinola."

If you're not familiar with this pithy little colloquialism, or even if you are, check out this father / "son" talk from the movie The Jerk.  

I hadn't thought of Shinola in years, that is until I ran across a brave new venture in Detroit, Michigan. When I read about this new company, I wondered if they knew "sshhtt from Shinola." Turns out they did. They actually purchased the rights to the Shinola name from the now defunct shoe polish company.

Not only have these brave souls started a company named Shinola, in Detroit, of all places, but it is a watch-making company. Do these people know that watches are being made in Asian and Middle-Eastern countries for pennies? In fact, most "Swiss" watches are made in China. 

"Lest anyone doubt that the watches it makes are Swiss, watchmaker Swiss Mountaineer emblazons Switzerland’s national flag on the dial of each timepiece. Does it matter that except for their Swiss movement, the watches’ components are made at a factory in Shenzhen, China? Or that Swiss Mountaineer is owned by a Hong Kong company called Golden Hawk? Under Swiss rules that are as precise as its clockworks, Golden Hawk can label its watches Swiss-made as long as at least 50 percent of the value of the movement comes from Switzerland." from the New York Times

Shinola, the company, is going to be fun to watch (no pun intended). I think it is a wonderful thing that young entrepreneurs are creating a company that makes extremely well-made products in the heart of industrial America. And it's not just watches. Shinola is also making bicycles and leather goods, AND shoe polish--how could they not. Please know that I am not being paid or compensated in any way to endorse Shinola, but just as I could from a very young age, I can discern the crappy from the cool, and this new Shinola is cool indeed. Check them out at The Shinola Story.

Just Be Real, Man

I've been sitting on this essay for a while, not sure if I should post it. Usually when I have a question like that, I ask my Amazing-Missus. She is wonderfully honest. I read it to her, and she said, "What's your point?" As I said, she is wonderfully, brutally honest. 

"It's not obvious?" Apparently not. Then she added, "It's too long. No one is going to read it to the end." She's probably right, so then it really doesn't matter if the point is all convoluted. I've decided to post it.

---

Soon I'll be doing a presentation on the topic of "Authenticity." (No, wisecrackers; I'm not--necessarily--the example of inauthenticity. I hope. Although I do have my moments and favorite personas.)

I was planning to use these famous lines in the presentation:

This above all--to thine own self be true;
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
--Polonius, Hamlet, Act 1, Scene 3. William Shakespeare.

But wait! Should I be taking lessons from Polonius? He's pretty much a joke and human train wreck.

That set me to thinking: It seems that as we age, maybe we tend to be like Polonius, wanting to share our wisdom whether we're wise or not. We like to teach great moral lessons, sometimes as though we've never known immorality. "A plank! What plank? I don't have a plank in my eye!" (Matthew 7:4-5)

The question I couldn't get past was: should we take as sound advice the words from hypocrites, nut-cases, frail humans? Flip that: As occasional hypocrites, nut-cases, frail humans, can we offer sound advice and wise counsel?

There's not much choice, is there?

Back to Polonius, here's a little background from Wikipedia: "Generally regarded as wrong in every judgment he makes over the course of the play, Polonius is described by William Hazlitt as a "sincere" father, but also "a busy-body, who is accordingly officious, garrulous, and impertinent." 

Polonius is described as a windbag by some and a rambler of wisdom by others. It has also been suggested that he only acts like a "foolish prating knave" in order to keep his position and popularity safe and to keep anyone from discovering his plots for social advancement. In Act II Hamlet refers to Polonius as a "tedious old fool" and taunts him as a latter day "Jeptha".

Ouch!! Does the name Jeptha (Jephthah) ring a bell. He's the main character in one of the more horrific stories found in the Bible.

Jephthah was the brother from another mother--a whore, according to scripture. His half-brothers forced him out of the home so he moved to Tob to live with his wife and only child--a daughter, the apple of his eye.  It turns out he had some serious fighting skills which came to be in great demand. The Israelites had once again found themselves in dire straits--sold into the hands of the Ammonites, and they needed a man like Jephthah. The Israelite leaders, including his own half-brothers, went to him with a bargain, promising him a position as chief if he can deliver a victory.

Who doesn't want to be the chief, am I right? So, calling on all his resources, Jephthah makes a hasty vow to God: “If you give me a clear victory over the Ammonites, then I’ll give to GOD whatever comes out of the door of my house to meet me when I return in one piece from among the Ammonites—I’ll offer it up in a sacrificial burnt offering.” 

Judges 11 (The Message) tells the account of what happened upon his victorious return home:

His daughter ran from the house to welcome him home—dancing to tambourines! She was his only child. He had no son or daughter except her. 
When he realized who it was, he ripped his clothes, saying, “Ah, dearest daughter—I’m dirt. I’m despicable. My heart is torn to shreds. I made a vow to GOD and I can’t take it back!” 
She said, “Dear father, if you made a vow to GOD, do to me what you vowed; GOD did his part and saved you from your Ammonite enemies.” 
And then she said to her father, “But let this one thing be done for me. Give me two months to wander through the hills and lament my virginity since I will never marry, I and my dear friends.” 
“Oh yes, go,” he said. He sent her off for two months. She and her dear girlfriends went among the hills, lamenting that she would never marry. 
At the end of the two months, she came back to her father. He fulfilled the vow with her that he had made.

I realize two such stories--Polonius and Jephthah--don't necessarily make a common plot line, but I'm afraid this time they do. I don't need to paint the picture of that plot line; the one where fathers, mothers, and others in essence put children up as a sacrifice, so to speak, for their own gain, be it political or social, or to use a child as a pawn in a battle not of the child's making. But to me it is the most tragic.

Well, this was not intended to be a sermon. It's just a flawed and frail husband, son, father, grandfather and nut-case hoping he can occasionally know himself and not be false to anyone. It goes with the age though to want to offer "wisdom" and counsel whether anyone asks for it or not. Whether the source is worthy or not, hopefully the advice is. For what it's worth.

Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you! --Dr. Seuss