Dinner and A Movie

This is the last post in the series on how NOT to massacre St. Valentine's Day.

No doubt, any restaurant that's date-worthy will be crowded Friday night. If you do it right, you could stay in and not seem like a cheapskate. Remember the TV program "Dinner & A Movie"? It's a concept that could earn you two thumbs up.

First, carefully choose the right movie. You probably can't go wrong with something like "Sleepless in Seattle." A logical menu choice would be salmon--you know because of the famous Pike Place fish market in Seattle. If you're not a cook, have some fun with it and fix fish sticks with mac 'n' cheese.

Go classic and rent "Roman Holiday". Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck can hold their on with Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks. The menu is easy here--anything Italian--spaghetti and meatballs, lasagna or even pizza. Here's a fun tip: buy one of the ready to go pizza crusts. With scissors, cut it in to a heart shape. Add her favorite ingredients and bake up a winner.

Another good choice with Audrey Hepburn is "Breakfast at Tiffany's".  Mix up a pancake mix with fresh blueberries and top it with good maple syrup for the menu.

Want more movie options? Here's one opinion of the "50 Best Romantic Movies of all Time."

Want to go big with the dinner? Here's a romantic menu planner from Epicurious.com.

A little advice: be careful about offering a running commentary during the movie. No matter how tempting it is. For example, in "Sleepless in Seattle", when the kid leaves his backpack at the top of the Empire State Building and they have to return to get it and Meg Ryan is standing there holding the kid's teddy bear, don't say something like, "You've got to be kidding. Stevie Wonder could have seen that coming."

Well you're on your own now. Good Luck.

BFFs Are Not Just For Junior High Girls

Lovers are normally face to face, absorbed in each other; Friends, side by side, absorbed in some common interest. --C.S. Lewis.

I have the necessary credentials to perform legal marriages, and over the years, I've helped tie a bunch of knots--some tighter than others apparently. This quote (above) by C.S. Lewis is from his book, The Four Loves. I have used the quote in almost every wedding I've ever done because I believe it contains an essential fact in any life-long relationship: the people in the relationship must be not only lovers but friends as well. Don't miss the value of that because it seems so simple.

So in today's post on how to make the most of Valentine's Day, I want to throw out some ideas about celebrating the friendship side of the relationship.

Maybe you've noticed that so far in these posts I haven't mentioned anything about the traditional gifts of the day: chocolates, flowers, jewelry, lingerie, matching bowling balls, etc. Here's a thought though. If you feel you really need to buy roses, buy one, a yellow one, because according to the history and meaning of roses on Pro Flowers website:

"In contrast to the romantic meanings attributed to other roses, the yellow rose is purely a symbol for friendship. This gives it a unique place in the pantheon of roses." 

Or try this: give her two roses: a red one and a yellow one, with a card where you write the C.S. Lewis quote along with something like: "Thank you for being my lover and best friend."

Here's another idea. Take the old concept of a mixtape to the next level. For $49 you can buy an iPod Shuffle. They come in a an array of colors. Check it out here. Take the time to pre-load it with a playlist of good music. Be sure to include at least a few "friend" songs along with some romantic tunes. By all means include "You've Got a Friend". It's a classic from 1971, "written by Carole King, and included in her album Tapestry and James Taylor's album Mud Slide Slim, which were recorded simultaneously in 1971 with shared musicians. Taylor's version was released as a single, and reached number 1 on the Billboard Hot 100. "You've Got a Friend" won Grammy Awards both for Taylor (Best Male Pop Vocal Performance) and King (Song of the Year)."

Here's the link to a great video of Taylor doing the song. 

A few others to consider:

• Bridge Over Troubled Water -- Simon & Garfunkel
• You're My Best Friend -- Queen
• I'll Be There For You -- The Rembrandts

Need a country song, try:

• My Best Friend -- Tim McGraw

Or maybe something of this millennium, try:

• Umbrella – Rihanna

Give her the loaded iPod and the yellow rose and celebrate the friendship.

---

In case you would like to see the context of the C.S. Lewis quote, here's an excerpt from The Four Loves:

Those who cannot conceive Friendship as a substantive love but only as a disguise or elaboration of Eros betray the fact that they have never had a Friend. The rest of us know that though we can have erotic love and friendship for the same person yet in some ways nothing is less like a Friendship than a love-affair. Lovers are always talking to one another about their love; Friends hardly ever about their Friendship. Lovers are normally face to face, absorbed in each other; Friends, side by side, absorbed in some common interest. Above all, Eros (while it lasts) is necessarily between two only. But two, far from being the necessary number for Friendship, is not even the best. And the reason for this is important.
... In each of my friends there is something that only some other friend can fully bring out. By myself I am not large enough to call the whole man into activity; I want other lights than my own to show all his facets... Hence true Friendship is the least jealous of loves. Two friends delight to be joined by a third, and three by a fourth, if only the newcomer is qualified to become a real friend. They can then say, as the blessed souls say in Dante, 'Here comes one who will augment our loves.' For in this love 'to divide is not to take away.”

Signed Sealed Delivered

If your wife/significant other has ever told you, "Well, you're no Einstein!" That could be a compliment. Because when it comes to love, Einstein was apparently an idiot.

Albert Einstein and his amazing-missus.

This is the second post in a series on how not to massacre St. Valentine's Day. In the first, I suggested considering poetry as a romantic gift. But while:

Roses are red and Violets are blue,
Perhaps writing verse is not for you.

How about prose?! You know, a good old-fashioned letter. It doesn't have to be a masterpiece, you're not trying to win a Pulitzer. Maybe just show her you remember a special time like your first date, or maybe you make a list of the things you enjoy doing together. [WARNING: Make sure you only include things she actually enjoys and doesn't just pretend to, e.g.: crappie fishing, tractor pulls, a Sunday afternoon of NASCAR with a bowl of chips and bean dip.]

If you like the letter writing idea, but feel uneasy about it, kind of like you're walking across a frozen pond, admit it right up front in your letter. Maybe start with something like: "As you know this is the first time I've tried to put two sentences together since high school, but..."

Or you can seek professional help--with your letter. Google it. But be careful. You think the wrath of your English teacher over plagiarism was bad, try it on your beloved.

Here's a book you might want to check out. It's written by Samara O'Shea, who is a professional letter writer. I read the book a few years back and was intrigued. I've actually talked to Samara. She is very understanding. In fact, she ended up writing a piece for a project I've been working on for a while.

For the Love of Letters: A 21st-Century Guide to the Art of Letter Writing by Samara O'Shea

Whatever you do--don't try to be an Einstein when it comes to composing loving correspondence. Einstein was married to Mileva Marić for eleven years. The marriage was fast deteriorating. Read his letter called, "Conditions" and wonder why. Shortly after receiving the letter, the lovely Mileva left him, surprise, surprise. He then married his first cousin.

In his letter he lovingly laid out the rules for their relationship. It reminds me of something Sheldon Cooper would give to Amy, if they ever married.

CONDITIONS (from the book: Einstein: His Life and Universe)

You will make sure:

• that my clothes and laundry are kept in good order;
• that I will receive my three meals regularly in my room;
• that my bedroom and study are kept neat, and especially that my desk is left for my use only.

You will renounce all personal relations with me insofar as they are not completely necessary for social reasons. Specifically, You will forego:

• my sitting at home with you;
• my going out or traveling with you.

You will obey the following points in your relations with me:

• you will not expect any intimacy from me, nor will you reproach me in any way;
• you will stop talking to me if I request it;
• you will leave my bedroom or study immediately without protest if I request it.
• You will undertake not to belittle me in front of our children, either through words or behavior.

--Love, Albert

See. You can do this letter thing. You may not be an Einstein, but, to quote the lovable Martha Stewart: "that's a good thing."

Navigating St. Valentine's

With Ground Hog Day passed us, we now have to focus on Valentine's Day. This one is scary. There are so many ways to get it wrong and if you get it right, you have to be careful about your expectations of any reward for having done so.

I like to think of myself as somewhat of a romantic; I'm delusional like that. Last Sunday night, without being asked, I quickly switched from the Super(fluous) Bowl to Downton Abbey. Even if it had been a "good" game, I would have made the switch. When we go out to eat, we go somewhere like Cheevers or Charlestons rather than Rib Crib or Western Sizzler.

Relatively, I'm somewhere on a scale between Ryan Gosling and Homer Simpson. And while I do tend to be left of Okie-Normal politically speaking, this time I lean right. But, I do have good intentions.

Because of that I thought I might try my hand at offering some Valentine's Day advice, humbly and from personal experience of course. So over the next few days I'll put up a few posts here at About POPS. Take it all for what it's worth without any guarantee of success however you might define that.

Think about this: Poetry has stood the test of time. Remember Romeo and Juliet? Remember the Song of Solomon? A long time ago I got over that fear of poetry which was strategically implanted in us in junior high. Not only do I love to read and hear poetry, I still try my hand at an occasional verse.

One of my favorite poets is Billy Collins. I'm not recommending Mr. Collins for a poem to slip into a box of chocolates or write in the steam on the bathroom mirror. There are better poets for this kind of thing. Here's an example, Poem #269 by Emily Dickinson written in the mid-1800s:

Wild nights! Wild nights! 
Were I with thee, 
Wild nights should be 
Our luxury!
Futile the winds 
To a heart in port, 
Done with the compass, 
Done with the chart.

Rowing in Eden! 
Ah! the sea! 
Might I but moor 
To-night in thee!

Back to the poet Billy Collins. He gave some great advice. It was not in the context of developing a good Valentine's Day plan, but it is useful.

"If at first you don't succeed, hide all evidence you ever tried." --Billy Collins

When making your plan think it through carefully but don't overthink it, lest it seems too contrived.

See I told you this would be difficult.

If you're curious why I might not recommend Billy Collins for your romantic verse, check out this video.