I HAD A Dream

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For which of you, intending to build a tower,
sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost,
whether he have sufficient to finish it? 

Lest haply, after he hath laid the foundation, and is not able to finish it,
all that behold it begin to mock him, 
Saying, This man began to build, and was not able to finish.  

—The Gospel of Luke 14:28-30 (KJV)

SO--IF YOU'VE READ THIS BLOG MUCH, at all, you know of our dream to have an Airstream trailer. We thought we were so close. How close? Close enough that I even opened the polls, so to speak, here on About Pops, asking for help in choosing an interior color scheme.

Well, it’s a long, long story. But it comes down to this: I “sitteth not down, and counteth the cost” (thoroughly enough anyway). And now you are free to mock me saying, “This man began this adventure to have an Airstream, but to this point has not been able to git ‘er done.”

Turns out, when I finally did sit down to count the cost of the Airstream model I had been coveting; let’s just say reality setteth in. The weight of the cost was not just in dollars; however, I did grossly underestimate the sum thereof. Along with things like doc fees, freight charges, taxes, extension mirrors, weight distribution hitch, anti-sway bars, hoses, blocks, chemicals… ad nauseum; there is also the cost of stress, anguish and uncertainty. Suddenly my visions of sitting under the awning of this silver beauty alongside a rushing stream on a cool morning, enjoying a cup of coffee, was overtaken by visions of a sitting alongside I-70 just outside of St. Louis on a 109 degree August day with a flat trailer tire, and being so broke I would have to work until I was 80, having nightmares of Dave Ramsay warning of careless spending.

Emotions are mixed. On the one hand, the horrific images of a holding tank disaster are gone, as are the potential panic attacks of pulling an aluminum carcass down the highway through the onslaught of a sudden Oklahoma hail storm. Unfortunately, also gone are those dreams of adventure on the open road I had imagined for us in our silver streak with the salsa interior.

Really though, deep down, I know the adventures will continue. They will just be different. You see, my Amazing-Missus and I are best friends. We were married eight years before our first child was born. (We didn’t want anyone to speculate that we “had” to get married [wink-wink]). So, living life together isn’t new to us. We’ll be fine.

“Surely there comes a time when counting the cost and paying the price aren’t things to think about any more. All that matters is value - the ultimate value of what one does.”
— James Hilton


That's The Story of My Life

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In my day job, from time to time, I interview prospective employees. Usually they’ve submitted a résumé: you know that bulleted list of stuff like education, work experience, etc. I seldom even look at their résumé. I don’t want to know the list. I want to know their story. Maybe that résumé includes some plot points of their story; maybe not.

If you ask someone to tell you about themselves, they do not say, “Bullet #1, I was born in Walla Walla, Washington in 1969. Bullet #2, graduated Walla Walla High School… They tell you a story.

“When people tell others about themselves, they kind of have to do it in a narrative way—that’s just how humans communicate. But when people think about their lives to themselves, is it always in a narrative way, with a plot that leads from one point to another? There’s an old adage that everyone has a book inside of them.” --from The Atlantic

Think about your narrative, the story of your life, the setting, the characters, the plot and the twists in the tale. Some chapters may be comedy, some undoubtedly are tragic.

Is your story like a book that starts, “Once Upon A Time…”, or is it more like a series of short stories lined up on a shelf, somewhat connected but each could stand on its own?

Here’s something scary cool. We are the characters in other people’s stories. The crazy uncle, the teacher who cared, the loving spouse, the creepy boyfriend, the spoiling grandmother, the doctor bearing bad news…

It seems like on every coffee table, in every barber shop and doctor’s office in my first coming-of-age I remember seeing a copy of Reader’s Digest. One of the features of the magazine was called, “My Most Unforgettable Character.” People submitted storis about the real “characters” of their lives.

Thinking back, who are your most unforgettable characters.

For most of my growing up years we lived next door to my Uncle Bob and Aunt Betty and their four kids. They were wonderful people to live next door to. Our families did everything together; everything except go to church. We were Baptist, they were not. Church and the characters there have always been a huge part of my story. While I loved all of that, I was so glad to learn from my Aunt Betty that you could go to dances, and that boys and girls could swim in the same pool at the same time and you would still go to heaven.

I am fully aware now that for our Grand-Girls there is a character in their story that they call “Pops.” It is a role I cherish and I want to get it right. I’m not expecting to get any awards, but if I did, I would want one of those they give to people in “a supporting role.” I want to bring a little adventure to their stories along with a some comedy and maybe mystery. But mainly I want  to be one of the characters that was there for them, with unconditional love, encouragement and adoration.

If that happens, then my story can end: “and he lived happily ever-after.”

Welcome To The Island

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Remember when Jack Nicholson asked Tom Cruise, “You want answers?” To which Tom replied, “I want the truth!”

Then Jack told Tom, “You can’t handle the truth!!”

Of course this was just a movie; a movie called A Few Good Men. But do you ever wonder if we really can handle the truth? How about reality? Doesn’t it all just seem to real sometimes?

I’ve fully admitted in writing, in virtual ink here on this blog, more than a time or two, that I can be prone to daydreaming, being lost in creative thinking. That sounds so much better than “living in a fantasy world.”

“Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things that escape those who dream only at night.”
— Edgar Allan Poe

Psychologists have names for those who lose touch with reality. But I wonder sometimes if, as a people collectively, you know,  we are blurring the lines between fantasy and reality a little much.

Here’s a poor example: Back when I was a kid, my heros (professional athletes) played for one team their whole career—Mantle, Maris, Berra, Spahn, Unitas, Griese, Sayers…

Jerry Seinfeld does this amazing comedy bit about the weirdness of this, pointing out that we don’t really cheer for the players anymore, we cheer for the uniforms. Here, watch this.

Now though it’s even worse. We don’t even cheer for the laundry, the team brand. Now we have “fantasy” teams.

According to the Fantasy Sports Trade Association (Yes, the FSTA), there are now 33 million people playing fantasy football each year. 

Research provided by Ipsos found that Americans spend an estimated $800 million annually on all fantasy sports media products. What is harder to quantify is the amount of money gambled in the process. — Forbes magazine.

And it’s not just fantasy sports, but how about that whole thing called “reality TV shows”. Reality, really!?

“Sunday Night Football” play-by-play icon Al Michaels has a solid theory about why so many people still tune in to football, despite the NFL being plagued with public scandals like seemingly never before: “The only real reality television is live sports.”

I feel better now.

Of course escapism isn’t new. We’ve always, all of us, enjoyed a bit of fantasy. I hate to be the one to break the news, but Mother Goose wasn’t a real mother or a real goose. The Three Pigs? The only real thing about this one is the lesson that can be learned—brick is better.

The top three fantasy movies are The Lord of The Rings movies. I enjoyed those a lot, but here are a few of my favorites on the IDMB 100 Top Fantasy Movies:

  • Groundhog Day
  • The Tree of Life
  • Stranger Than Fiction
  • About Time
  • Monty Python and The Holy Grail
  • The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe
  • The Wizard of Oz
  • Field of Dreams
  • The Family Man

"A fantasy is an idea with no basis in reality and is basically your imagination unrestricted by reality."

"Reality is the state of things as they exist. It’s what you see, hear, and experience."

What’s the danger in an occasional escape from reality? I guess you can take it too far. Isn’t that always the way? Turns out there is something called FPP. Of course there is.

Fantasy prone personality (FPP) is a disposition or personality trait in which a person experiences a lifelong extensive and deep involvement in fantasy. This disposition is an attempt, at least in part, to better describe “overactive imagination” or “living in a dream world”. An individual with this trait (termed a fantasizer) may have difficulty differentiating between fantasy and reality and may experience hallucinations, as well as self-suggested psychosomatic symptoms. Closely related psychological constructs include daydreaming, absorption and eidetic memory. —Wikipedia

Here’s the thing: there is something between fantasy and reality and we have to be comfortable with that. You see, I’m not so sure that a hardcore, no compromise realist, can ever be open to a spiritual worldview. For example, I am a follower of one who turned water to wine, and fed a huge crowd with a few loaves and a few small fish. I believe those things really happened, but Freud would say I’m crazy for believing so.

Tell the truth: Can you handle the truth? Or, are you too grounded in “reality”?

Going Back

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Are you one of those who experiences dread with “Back to _________(fill in the blank).” 

If you’ve checked social media in the past few weeks, you’ve seen adorable photos of adorable kids (and maybe an adorable adult or two) in adorable new outfits holding their little chalkboards telling you what grade they will be in as they head Back To School.

Pictured above: Karlee (Grand-Girl #1) and Aaron.

I love Fridays! And I like my job, but I still dread going Back To Work on Monday. I enjoy holiday food feasts, even though the holiday passes and it’s Back To The Diet.

Without a doubt though, when it comes to the dread of going Back, nothing compares to School—for me. Thankfully I haven’t had to go Back To School for several years. Looking back, I’m not sure why it seemed so dreadful.

Maybe it was that summers were so much fun for me. Fortunately I grew up in the day before mosquitoes came from the West Nile and ticks didn’t bring the fever back from the Rocky Mountains with them. The guy selling sub sandwiches wasn’t a pervert and the guy driving the ice cream truck wasn’t a meth addict. We left the house first thing in the morning and didn’t return home until we had a jar full of fireflys after nightfall.

Maybe it was that Back To School brought such pressure. I knew I would be expected to “work well with others,” and “work up to my potential.” I’m sure my parents held some hope that this year might be better. There was so much to remember: locker combinations, homework, teacher’s rules, bus number, which was the “up” staircase and which was the “down” staircase. Does this teacher want homework folded vertically or horizontally? Does the name go in the upper right hand corner, do we include the teacher’s name. I must remember not to ask obvious questions, like: “Why should I write your name on my paper Mrs. Teacher, don’t you know it?”

Maybe it wasn’t so bad afterall. Maybe going Back is a good thing. Maybe it’s good to have something to go back to. Maybe that’s one of the reasons I dread retirement. What will I do on Monday morning? Maybe if I ever do retire, sometime around mid-August, I’ll go to the store and buy myself a new pair of jeans and a couple of #2 pencils, some glue and an eraser just for old times sake. Maybe I’ll write something on a sheet of notebook paper and then I’ll fold any way I want to, or maybe I won’t fold it at all. What is there about Back To School time that brings out the obnoxious, rebellious little devil in me?